my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
