Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
