He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
