he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
