The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
