It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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