Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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