You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
