Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
