I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
