He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
