i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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