We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
