Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
