seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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