We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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