You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
