I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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