I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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