Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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