I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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