hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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