i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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