6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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