I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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