Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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