If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
