im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
PANTIES FOUND
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
