Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
