My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
