I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
