I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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