I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
