Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
