my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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