i think i have two assholes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Actions speak louder than pants.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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