my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
