u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
