No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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