There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
