I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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