I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
