can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
