I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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