I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
