that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
