My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
not ubering you a puppy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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