I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
