I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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