When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
