Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
