It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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