I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
