my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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