I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
