HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
