we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
