Ambien. No doubt about it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
