Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
