im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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