There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
