I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
