Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
