My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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