No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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