Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
