I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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