take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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