when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i would punch a child for taco bell
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
