we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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