If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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