I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
