What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
