Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
