If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
