my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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