Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
