I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
