I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
