There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize