dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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