I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
